Country Willows and Chanticleer inns take part in nonprofit program organized by A Mother’s Rest
By Elizabeth Fairchild for Ashland.news
What is your dream vacation? Is it a trip to Hawaii? Disney World? A Mediterranean cruise? Or hiking or river rafting?
“Only those who have experienced parenting or caregiving a child or person with disabilities can understand the constant stress and trauma of always having to be ‘on’ and the physical and emotional toll that this hyper-vigilance takes.”
— Sophie Goss, from Wilsonville, Oregon, who stayed at Country Willows Inn
For some, a dream vacation is a chance to take a brief break from overwhelming responsibilities — the chance to get away for a while to the luxurious privacy of a room of one’s own where, for a moment, there’s nothing to do and no accountability to anyone.
That’s the kind of break needed by family caregivers who are “on” 24 hours a day, seven days a week for months or even years on end, often without a day off.
Two Ashland innkeepers help fulfill this dream for mothers of people with special needs by offering three-night stays at their inns, Country Willows Inn on Clay Street and Chanticleer Inn on Gresham Street.
Country Willows innkeeper Linda Kilcollins and Chanticleer innkeeper Angela Aldatz are what A Mother’s Rest, a national nonprofit network of inns providing respite and rest, calls “porch partners.”
A Mother’s Rest (AMR) was founded by Andrea Faris Roberts, the mother of two sons, one with Down’s Syndrome. Her experience as a parent, her understanding of the importance of respite care for caregivers, and her love of old homes came together in A Mother’s Rest in 2017. The Maryland-based nonprofit has a network of more than 40 “porch partners” — bed and breakfast inns that offer three day retreats at a total cost of $165 per person for a room and breakfast, less than the average cost for a one-night stay.
Although the name AMR specifies “mothers,” caregivers also include fathers and adoptive and foster parents — any family members be caring for children or adults with disabilities or special needs, or caring for their parents or partner. The AMR weekend held in Ashland last November was specifically for women.
Ashland proprietors sign on to help
Aldatz, the Chanticleer innkeeper, recalls how she got involved: “When COVID hit, I wanted to look at how I could use Chanticleer Inn to benefit the community. I ran across AMR and I was really drawn to it. I know how exhausting it is to be a mother and I can’t imagine having all that additional weight and how depleted these women must be. It hit my heart. When I saw (AMR), (I thought), ‘this is perfect. I have the ideal space for them to come and rest.’ So I reached to (AMR founder) Andrea and said, “sign me up.”
“We were treated like royalty! The grounds are beautiful — we had coffee with the ducks and walked the trail behind the house.”
— Robyn Kelly from Junction, Oregon, stayed at Country Willows
Kilcollins, the Country Willows innkeeper, who heard about the organization from Angela, had a more personal interest. “They provide services for special needs parents, and foster parents as well. I had been a foster parent. I adopted one of my foster children and she ended up having a special needs child. Also, my other daughter is a special needs teacher. AMR also provides services for special needs teachers.”
Aldatz and Kilcollins coordinated their efforts and dates for a joint retreat in November 2022. Linda said, “I reached out to Lovejoy’s Tea Room. She has been a foster mom herself, and she put a special tea together for our women after hours.
“We also reached out to EmzBlendz, which provided bath bombs called ‘Tub Truffles.’ Pelindaba Lavender provided lavender sachets for each of them as well.”
Tops on the have-to-do list: You don’t have to do
Both innkeepers stressed the “rule” that the mothers who come for respite are not required to participate in any activity. The point is rest — if a mother wants to stay in her room and sleep the entire time, that’s OK.
According to Kilcollins, each mother is provided her own room. Country Willow Inn has nine rooms and Chanticleer Inn has six, and all were filled.
“When I first heard of this, I thought, ‘Oh, I would never want to do that. Why would I want to go to something by myself?’” After the pandemic, the mother of three adoptive kids with challenges, needed respite. She attended the retreat at the Chanticleer Inn in November and “loved having a room of my own, walking in Lithia Park, and reading on the big red couch by the fireplace.”
— Lisa Plum of Eugene
Kilcollins created a breakfast community table for those who wanted to share. She discovered that the group began exchanging names and stories immediately.
“I can’t say enough good things about A Mother’s Rest and Country Willows Inn. I went looking for relaxation. I also made connections with other moms. That was a bonus that I wasn’t expecting.”
— Robyn Kelly
“Most of these women come in as strangers,” said Aldatz. “And what I noticed is that these women shared. They have so much in common and these retreats become this beautiful support ground for them to release and share. What I see is that they open up spaces, they cry, they support each other, and they listen.
“I can’t relate to them on their level of sharing. What I can do is listen and hold space and nurture them in the way that I do, which is to provide space and these beautiful meals and just listen. It’s humbling.”
“Only special needs parents and caregivers know the isolation and loneliness that often comes with the role. A Mother’s Rest is an answer to our desperate need for respite and rest, and also an answer to our need for fellowship with others who understand.”
— Sophie Gross, Wilsonville
One evening, the group from both inns gathered at Country Willow Inn for a happy hour. Linda had reached out to local wineries for donations and “had an overwhelming response.” Wine was provided by Remotion, Dancin, Weisinger and Eliana wineries. “In fact I have leftover wine for my next retreat.”
“Country Willows gave me the space and time to feel restored and rested. I felt spoiled by the amazing food, beautiful grounds, and thoughtful touches they did to my room and throughout my stay.”
— Kari Lovely, an adoptive mom to six from Salem
When asked if they would do it again, both innkeepers said yes. Aldatz has weekends scheduled already. They fill up quickly and there is often a waitlist. Both stressed that AMR needs more inns, especially on the West Coast where there are only three.
“It filled my heart with joy more than I anticipated,” said Kilcollins. “I knew it would be a joyful experience, but I looked at it as a lot of work. It wasn’t. When you do something you love and you have a heart for it, it doesn’t feel like work.”
And the reaction of the mothers?
“I can’t wait to make a return trip!” said Robyn Kelly.
“Even if you don’t think it’s your thing, give it a try,” said Lisa Plumb.
And Sophie Gross put it simply: “What a blessing!”
Contact Ashland resident Elizabeth Fairchild by email at [email protected]. This article was written for Osher Lifelong Learning Institute (OLLI) Community Journalism at Ashland.news class during the winter 2023 quarter.
