Our advice columnist lends a sympathetic paw

By Strider the Dog

Dear Strider,

Let’s face it, the news is unbelievably bad. Our own government defends murdering citizens in the street, and then taunts us about it. Our president and vice president just out front lie about the murder victim. Will there ever be justice? A black depression settles on all of us out here. I feel like I’m drowning.

We wonder: Do dogs feel any of this? And if so, what do dogs do about it?

Thank you for any advice.

— End of Rope

Dear End,

Oh my, if I were in your house, I’d jump up and give you a kiss. After which, I’d pat your knee sympathetically with my forepaw. Yes, of course we dogs feel this. We feel it when you feel bad, scared, or at the end of your rope. We can even see it. It’s a dark color all around you. When I see that, I go on high alert, paying attention as much as possible to the person it’s coming from. And if that person is my person, hoo boy, I go on even higher alert. I wag my tail anxiously. I try to get them to go for a walk. I bring them a toy. I nose their knee. If they’re crying, I try to get on their lap. Anything I can do, I do.

But sometimes there’s nothing I can do. This makes me feel like I’m drowning, too, so I totally get what you’re saying. Then I remember. If you just wait, everything changes. Sad turns to happy. Happy turns to sad. There’s always something new about to appear around the corner. You just have to be patient.

And in the meantime, wag your tail as much as you can. Take a nap. Speak softly and have something good to eat.

Or write to me, Strider, so I can imagine I’m there with you, putting my paw on your knee.

Hang in there, End. There are a lot of people and animals and trees and mountains and beaches here for you.

Really.

Dear Strider,

I’m so sad. One of my best friends just had a terrible tragedy in her life. Her way of dealing with it is to shut down. I get that. I get that what’s most important here is how she feels, and how she gets through this. Although I know there’s no getting through what’s happened to her and her family.

So I know all that, and I’m trying my best not to feel shut out and rejected. But I can’t seem to help it. I always felt like part of her family before, but now it’s like I’m a stranger just butting in. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong no matter how hard I try. She asked me to stop giving her presents so she doesn’t have to worry about giving something back to me. I don’t care if she gives me anything. It made me feel better to find something I thought she’d like. That makes it about me, I get that. But I still felt horrible, like I was wrong about how close we were as friends before.

Any advice from me in how to get over this, Strider? I would so appreciate a good word.

Thanks.

— Sad Friend

Dear Sad,

Wow, what is happening out there in the human world? So many people sad! I’m hoping dogs everywhere are feeling this vibe and trying to help their people out as much as they can. (Cats, too. Though to be honest, I think that’s probably less likely.)

You, Sad, and End of Rope up above, are grappling as best you can with what’s happening around you. Your friend is, too. You’re all trying your best. Sometimes you act less than the optimum. How could any of us help that? We all fall down, people and dogs too (maybe not cats). So maybe we need to just patiently lie down where we fall until we feel we can get up again. And we need to forgive ourselves and be forgiven by others for lying there until we can. The main thing is not to beat ourselves or anyone else up when we’re down. We can move when we can and look around hopefully for something that cheers us up. No matter how bad we feel, there’s always something. There’s always someone who smiles at you, or who pets you, or who offers you something good to eat.

Isn’t there, Sad? It sounds like you should be patient with yourself. When you can, get out there and find those someones and somethings. Be patient with your friend, too. Let her be for a while. If she was really a friend, she’ll remember you’re there, too, in time.

Meanwhile, let me know how you get on. I’m rooting for you. And for your friend and her family, too.

Sad? Happy? Confused about which you are? Why not get in the conversation and get and give support? Just email [email protected].