Sad? Mad? Feeling tired and down? Strider is here to help!

By Strider the Dog

Dear Strider,

You had a letter from a dog owner awhile ago where the dog had been traumatized, and she was being really patient and loving with it, in hopes that the dog would recover.

It was great that you supported them, hoping the dog would get more comfortable and kind of back to normal.

Would you give the same kind of answer to someone who wrote in asking about a human who behaves that way?  Is patience and love the only way? And what about family members who can’t handle expressions of trauma and are exhausted by it? What should they do?

I know you’re only a dog, but dogs are very empathetic. So maybe you can weigh in on this one.

— Tired Human

Dear Tired,

This has got me feeling a little helpless. I am a dog, and I am empathetic, but sometimes all I can do is look up at the human I want to help and put my paw on their foot.

So here I am putting my paw on your foot.

It’s a tough one with humans who act out their trauma, because they have more free will than even we dogs do. A traumatized human can decide to act differently, though a lot of the time that’s too painful. Maybe they’re suffering and that’s the best they can do.

I had a pack mate, Pearl, who was much older than me. She had what they call doggy dementia. She would see things that weren’t there. She would get angry with me for no reason and bite me on the tail. At first this made me mad. But then I realized she couldn’t help it, and besides, she was a member of my pack, which is what we dogs call family. I had an obligation to her. So I tried to be patient, and affectionate when I could, and just left her alone when I couldn’t. When it was too much for me, I knew it was time to go hang out with the Old Cedar Tree instead.

I missed her a lot when she was gone.

Bottom line: you can’t get rid of your family. You just need to be patient and love them as much as you can. And not beat yourself up when you can’t, but go sit under a tree for a while. Or talk to someone who won’t wind you up about it. I understand there are people who specialize in that!

In the meantime, I hope you can feel my paw on your foot. Really.

Oh Strider,

People make me so sad and mad.  They yell at their dogs as if they expect them to know what they mean.  When someone yells, “Go potty. NOW” — I mean, do dogs have any idea what that means?  If I were a dog (and I’m not), I would be so unhappy living with these kinds of people who don’t treat their friends with love and respect. What do I do about people who don’t love their dogs?  Oh, and the other people who leave their dogs alone for hours and hours.  When someone finally comes home, I hear the dog crying so happily (Yay, my human came back), and then they get yelled at again. What’s a dog or a human to do? Please tell, Strider!

— Sad/Mad

Dear Sad,

Boy, my paw is getting a workout today. Can you feel it on your foot?

I love that you’re sad for the dogs. But I am here to tell you that dogs are way more resilient than you might think. Look at me and Shadow. I ran away from three different homes, lived on the desert eating rocks in between being caught and sent to three different shelters (you should see my teeth), and I still ended up one of the happiest dogs I know. Shadow had a horrible early life. She was a stray on the desert, and she ran away from everybody until the shelter finally trapped her. After that, she hid in a corner of her cage, shivering with fright, before Carrie Wright rescued her and took her to the Fedwell Farms dog orphanage. That was where Shadow found her forever person. And even if she doesn’t like strangers or loud noises much now (to say the least), she loves her pack and is super happy when she gets to run around with us in the forest or at the beach.

Here’s my point. We dogs love our humans, when we find one. We even love the humans who aren’t as nice as they can be. I mean, after all, sometimes we’re not as nice. Hard to believe, I know. But sometimes we bark too much, or gnaw on a guardian’s precious possessions, or throw up on the bed. These things happen.

Really, it’s about forgiveness. And love. And short memories!

So maybe the humans you’re hearing are having a bad day, or they had to leave the dog home alone and feel so guilty they shout at the dog instead. And their dogs understand that. Because if it’s just a human who is like that all the time, and doesn’t love their dog, maybe the dog will be like me and Shadow and hit the trail until they find someone who does.

It can happen.

Feeling sad? Feeling mad? Feeling happy and want to cheer up someone who feels sad or mad? Why not join our advice columnist in the conversation? Email [email protected].