Leave the judgments behind, take the expectation to have a good time
By Sally McKirgan
I wasn’t sure I wanted to go! After all it had been ?? many years since I’ve seen these people! I admit that I did not have an especially good time in high school. I see now it was no one’s fault but my own, but I didn’t know that at the time. It takes some insight and hindsight to figure things out.
OK, aging helps, and thank goodness I finally figured this out. Wish it hadn’t taken so long, but now I can appreciate what I have learned and know, and I’m sure I will “know” even more at some point. I’ve felt stupid most of my life and still feel that way at times. I hate to admit that, and those of you who know me probably agree, but please don’t let on! What I have come to believe is: We don’t know anything. I think I “know” something, but it turns out I don’t know. Much of what I think I know is assumed. It is my projection on how I “see” things, but just because I see does not mean I “know.” Seeing is not knowing.
However, I’m glad I went. It was “I” who had judged these people so many years ago. Before I left, I decided it was time to drop all former judgments. I should call them misjudgments or missed judgments. We cannot really judge, because we don’t really know.
It was “I” who decided that I was not “good enough, smart enough, rich enough, or equal” to them.
It was “I” who judged each of them as mostly better than I. It was I who separated myself!
I don’t know what they thought about me, and I have learned since that it’s none of my business either! Have you ever heard the term “What you think about me is none of my business?” I wish I had known that way back then!
So here is what to take or let go of, as you go to your reunion!
Half of our problem is: What do they think about me?
The other half is: What do I think about them!
Who cares??? Really?? Stop thinking!
- Decide you will have a wonderful time. It is up to you to decide this before you go, because it will set you up for just that!
- Decide you will have a good experience and it is a worthwhile thing to do, and you will enjoy (or alternatively, be “in joy”).
- Decide you will drop all past judgments you have had about those you will see. Decide you will no longer see the “past” in them but only the present. Let the past go; it is gone anyway, no longer here and never to return!
- Decide you will not let your past judgments cast any shadow on now! Besides, your past judgments were probably wrong. Forgive the past, be free of it, and have the peace of now, right now! You can do this.
- Go with an open heart and mind. Relax! Accept how things are now and not how they were back then. Love is here right now. Acceptance is here right now.
- Go with faith in yourself and in them. When you see someone you haven’t seen in a while and don’t know what to say, just ask them: What have you done since … high school? College? Or, what have you been doing since last time we met?
- Open them up to bring you up-to-date with their lives. Go with trust — trust in your goodness, trust in their goodness. Go with love … trust in truth! God bless!
All of the above is good advice whenever you are going to a meeting, an appointment, or a visit to the doctor, dentist, banker, or accountant — or going somewhere you don’t want to go but are going anyway because you said you would, even though you are not looking forward to it. This is changing your mind. A wonderful thing to change!
You are loved!!
Sally McKirgan, former editor of the Inner Peace column, currently resides in Olympia, Washington, and has published a book of Inner Peace essays titled “The Gift of the Great Rays,” now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and at a reading at Bloomsbury Books in Ashland from 7 to 8 p.m Monday, Oct. 3. Send 600- to 700-word articles on all aspects of inner peace to Richard Carey (firstname.lastname@example.org).