John Darling: The Discipline of Bliss

John Darling in an undated family photo.
November 9, 2022

Being problem-solving animals, we have this unfortunate tendency to look for problems

By John Darling

Clouds dapple and dampen the hills again and I note each day the deepening saffrons and scarlets of that big sugar maple by the market. There’s a lottery ticket on my dashboard and they’ve already announced the number and maybe I’m already worth $3.5 million but I don’t care if I am. I’m thinking about going to Lorn’s shop and picking out a nice bottle of red for tonight.

John Darling in 1999

The kids chirp — what’ll we buy if we win? Let’s get a hot tub and a horse and a new VW Bug and go to France. I say hot tubs are a lot of work and so are horses and I’ve been there and to France too and I like this old car. I want to clue them to other uses for money. I tell them I would set up an endowment to buy and preserve beautiful land, to provide respite care so spouses of disabled people can go to the movies and to provide scholarships for young Oregonians who promise to get an old-fashioned liberal education, including philosophy, Greek and Latin.

I pronounce: I don’t live this way because I’m poor; I live this way because I like to live this way. And they say I’m no fun and I laugh. We all laugh.

I don’t want to go to France. I want to be here. I want to drive through the leafy streets of Ashland, where I’ve gotten used to the slow pace of traffic. I want to be driving the kids to soccer practice and the gymnastics meet, where I sit near my ex and when the kids do well, we exchange those parent glances, shaking our heads from side-to-side: Aren’t they doing well and aren’t they unbelievably cute?

I love talking to the other mothers at meets. We’ve been through so much and can speak plainly about the travails — and the happiness it’s brought the kids. They were just toddlers when they started all this. Now they’re budding out and still pretending they don’t notice boys. They run at that vault with a look of savagery that would stop a buffalo. They touch and hug each other after each victory or stumble. They sit on the floor in their little group in their sparkly deep-blue leotards between events. Their gymnastics is a fierce girl-warrior society in which they harbor the last autumn days of girlhood together before that first kiss that will start changing everything.

As the days count down to the deadline, I want to make Nicki happy and write a relevant essay. She’s the best editor I’ve ever had. She always signs her emails “love” and always thanks me for my work. Most editors have no idea of the vulnerability of writers and how much it hurts when they put a lot into a piece and get rejections, which, for freelancers, is most of the time. She liked the last one, about what’s happening to our town and thanked me for putting up with the abusive phone call and the email that directed me to a website that gave me the finger. “The wages of truth-telling,” she said.

So, by way of relevant essays, I’m thinking of thanks, as in Thanksgiving. I recall a wise and gentle medicine man in this town who taught me to journey with the animals and find answers and healing. He’s a well-known professional man and didn’t want townsfolk to know he’s a shaman, too, as his professional role would suffer. During a hard passage once, I asked him to do a soul retrieval ceremony for me. A big part of my soul had grown sad and left me. He found it, played with it, persuaded it that I really wanted it to come back and help me start having fun again. And I did. It wasn’t easy, but I started having fun again.

This man taught me of the Huna of Hawaii, who, when they do their rituals, spend an entire day giving thanks. They thank not only the gods, but all the animals, the trees, sky, clouds, rain, sunsets, their bodies, the bugs, the ancestors, night, fire, sex, food. Everything. I tried it. It’s a very consciousness-altering discipline. Very soon I realized, like that bumper sticker says, it’s all bliss. There’s so much here. We’re all gifted. But being problem-solving animals, we have this unfortunate tendency to look for problems. Eventually, we solve them all or nature solves them for us. And in the meanwhile, 99 percent of the work we put into solving them was in replaying the thought of them, also known as worry. And so …

Thank you worry, thank you problems, thank you Huna, thank you my medicine man-friend, thank you soul come back to me, thank you Ashland, thank you leaves, thank you Nicki, thank you lottery ticket, thank you France, thank you my children, thank you mom and dad, thank you bugs, thank you autumn, thank you mother of my kids, thank you fellow parents, thank you my old car, thank you laughter, thank you Ashland growth, thank you red wine, thank you gymnastics, thank you bliss.

John Darling lived in Ashland from 1971 until he died at age 77 in January 2021. A US Marine Corps journalist, he went on to write for the Oregonian, Mail Tribune, Daily Tidings, and United Press International, among others, along with stints as a news anchor at KOBI, executive assistant to the Oregon Senate President and press secretary of campaigns for Oregon governor and U.S. Senate. Ashland.news is, with permission, publishing monthly excerpts from his collection “The Divine Addiction: Essays Out of Oregon.”

Picture of Bert Etling

Bert Etling

Bert Etling is the executive editor of Ashland.news. Email him at [email protected].

Related Posts...

John Darling: The mystery of the journeyless journey

John Darling: The labyrinth affirms this right off by taking you straightaway nearly to the center, the goal, then diverts you away to these winding, Byzantine switchbacks to nowhere, which serve the purpose of frustrating the mind and ego and all its sense of right-wrong, good-bad, success-failure — and it’s oh-so-dear need for control.

Read More »

Our Sponsors

Rogue Theater Company Ripcord Grizzly Peak Winery Ashland Oregon
ScienceWorks Hands-on Museum Teen Programs Day Camp Ashland Oregon

Latest posts

Our Sponsors

Conscious Design Build Ashland Oregon
City of Ashland Public Notice Ashland Oregon
Ashland Climate Collaborative Sreets for Everyone Ashland Oregon
Ashland.news House Ad

Explore More...

Rick Wasserman has spent much of the past 30 years behind a mic as a voice-over artist. Known for his distinctive deep voice, his best-known roles include Thor and Hulk for Marvel Animation.
The Oregon Department of Human Services is offering free emergency kits and power stations for older adults and qualified people with physical disabilities. The emergency kits include flashlights, blankets, first aid items, food and other supplies. The power stations are portable and have rechargeable batteries.
The Ashland New Plays Festival (ANPF) has announced the winning playwrights for this year’s annual Fall Festival.
A project proposal by St. Louis-based firm McCormack Baron Salazar aimed at outlining a proposed housing development for senior independent living near the southeast corner of the Southern Oregon University campus could cost upwards of $64 million, pending selection by an evaluation committee and a finalized project plan.
Two Oregon lawmakers have launched a bipartisan caucus to promote trade, business development and international economic policy. Legislative caucuses are groups of lawmakers who share similar policy interests.
ashland.news logo

Subscribe to the newsletter and get local news sent directly to your inbox.

(It’s free)

Don't Miss Our Top Stories

Get our newsletter delivered to your inbox three times a week.
It’s FREE and you can cancel anytime.