A reader suggests he run, but the Dog About Town has enough on his paws with his own pack

By Strider the Dog

Dear Strider,

Wow — I wish you could be president. Dogs are so much more humane than some humans. You would govern with wisdom and kindness, and you would wag your tail often I bet!

Your faithful follower,

— Linda B.

Dear Linda B.,

Hello to one of my most favorite correspondents! I knew your saying you wished I could be president was a compliment, but I didn’t know what a “president” was, or what they did. So as usual, I took my question to the Old Cedar Tree. They explained it to me.

“The president is the one who runs things for everyone. The leader of all the humans in your country. So they should be kind, wise, thoughtful, and generous. Like what a good dog guardian is. Like what you try to be for your own pack.”

That gave me a lot to think about, Linda B., I can tell you. I thought about how our dog guardians are really loving and kind, and how other ones aren’t so great. We just added another puppy to the pack. His name is Shy. We weren’t planning on adopting him, but he was with bad guardians. They were cruel to him, said he wasn’t one of them, accused him of being evil and stupid and undeserving. They shouted at him, said they hated him and wanted him gone, even if it was to a cage somewhere where he didn’t know anyone. So it was kind of an emergency, and we all went to bring him home. Of course he is a great puppy, if a little bumptious and in need of some guidance, which Woody and I try our best to give. We take our presidenting seriously around here.

That’s about all I could handle. I don’t think I could be a president for humans! That one would have to be super kind, wise, thoughtful and generous. Otherwise, for you, it’d be like living in a chaotic house with some crazy, out-of-control rageaholics, the way poor Shy was before he came home with us.

But I’m sure you humans have it all worked out so it’s the best president for all. That’s good for everyone.

And extra wags to you, Linda B.!

Dear Strider,

A while ago you mentioned you had a puppy intern, Woody. How did he work out? Is he still your intern? Are you planning on his taking over your advice column any time soon?

— Just Curious

Dear Just,

Thanks for asking. Woody the Puppy is now Woody the Dog. And he is a very happy dog. A very optimistic dog. In fact, he seems to find it impossible to see anything bad in life.

This is an excellent trait. But it’s not really suitable for an advice columnist. If you’re just happy all the time, that tends to make you sympathetic to all, sure, but it doesn’t help you really feel empathy for questions that come from the dark side of life. Which perspective, I would argue, is necessary for your average advice columnist.

Woody and I had a heart-to-heart, where I had to break it to him that he just didn’t have the chops to take on this column. I confess, I worried I’d upset him. But I should have known better. He just jumped up and down, tail wagging furiously, and said, “Oh, wow, thanks, Strider! That’s great! Now I can really figure out what kinds of things I like to do. I mean, love working with you, dude. As a boss, you rock, don’t get me wrong, but it’s your gig not mine. And there’s a big world out there waiting for me to find my own place in it. I’m so there. Thanks for the send off! Love you, man!”

See what I mean?

Want to join the movement of Strider for President? Help us convince the Dog About Town that it’s his duty to run. Just email [email protected].