There’s a place for all different types at the table

By Strider the Dog

Dear Strider,

I know that Ashland.news, where you have your column, is community-supported. That’s what it says on the website, “Community-supported, nonprofit news.” You ask for donations. So who is in the community? Does this mean everyone, or only the people who donate? I think I’m a member of the community, but I haven’t donated to Ashland.news. I just read it for free. Is this okay? Or do you think less of me because of that?

Thoughts?

— Broke Community Member

Dear Broke,

What, are you kidding? This is like asking me if I only like people who give me treats. Of course not! My community pretty much encompasses anyone who is nice to me. Of course, I especially like it when the person who is nice also has treats to offer. But it’s not essential! They’re still my friends and neighbors, even without a bit of duck jerky or cheesy cracker in hand.

I think that pretty much applies to donations to our community-sponsored news, too. Anyone who joins us, reading and commenting (letters to the editor welcome), is a friend and neighbor. Donations help, of course. But they’re not any more essential than a treat is to me. Although I love those treats. Why wouldn’t I?

Just saying.

Dear Strider,

It’s that time of year again, when family members gather for a holiday and find things to fight over. With my family, the holiday is Easter, and the fighting is over food. For example. My parents insist on putting pork products on everything. Not just the huge spiral cut ham (tradition!), but on the potato salad. On my dad’s wilted lettuce salad. With the smothered green beans. On the hors d’oeuvre tray featuring, you guessed it, salami!

Then there’s me. I personally can and do eat everything. I have one sister who makes a big deal of being on a diet, and who picks out the bacon off everything ostentatiously and puts it on the side of her plate. Her I have no sympathy for, at least not at dinner. But I must admit, I do sympathize with my vegetarian sister-in-law. I love her crudité platter with the blue cheese dip, and her sweet potato casserole, along with her carrots cooked in cream. My father mutters about the first being rabbit food, and my mother, along with my sister, is also on a diet — although apparently not a bacon free one. Mom always has seconds on potato salad. But she makes a big deal out of passing on the carrots in cream. I personally find them delicious.

Then there are the vegans. Veganism seems to inspire attacks by nonvegans, don’t ask me why. Ask my brother, who goes ballistic about his kids’ diets. My niece is what you might call a peaceful vegan, never bothering anyone with her dietary choices, just bringing vegan salads (yum!) and vegan ice cream to share. But then there’s her brother. I suspect him of pretending to be vegan at family dinners just to bait his dad, who is loudly anti-vegan. As the ham gets passed around, and my brother makes a big show of taking extra thick slices, my nephew launches into a monologue about the inhumane slaughtering of pigs. As for the deviled eggs, I mean, you should hear him on the way chickens are treated in this country. We certainly hear enough about it at Easter dinner.

Why do I suspect nephew is not really vegan? Let’s just say I’ve noticed the salami disappearing rather quickly near his seat when no one is looking. Anyway, my brother always takes the bait.

It’s very exhausting.  I guess I should be glad we don’t fight about current events, although sometimes I think, in a way, politics would be a purer subject.

My sister-in-law, my niece and me would much rather things calmed down so our enjoyment of family time isn’t ruined, not to mention our digestion. I talked it over with them, and my niece suggested we write and ask your opinion. She has a terrific sense of humor, as well as being a fan of your column. Do you have any hints for us? We’d be so delighted if you’d apply your canine wisdom to this all-to-ordinary familial problem.

Thanking you in advance,

— Family Member Sick of Indigestion

Dear Family Member,

I hear you! Mealtime should be peaceful, both for enjoyment and health purposes. It’s hard for me to understand why anyone would complain about what they’re eating, since my feeling about my own meals is just eat them and be grateful. I mean, I was a street dog, and I know anything is better than eating rocks. I’m so grateful for Tod’s food, which is stellar! And I let her know it, by enjoying it to the max, peacefully and thoroughly, licking the plate when I’m done.

So I feel your pain here.

Here’s my suggestion. Is it possible you and your sister-in-law and your niece could try shifting the family table vibe? Maybe mix it up a little. Like, say, for example, you suggest starting the meal by holding hands and singing a gratitude song that we sing out here in our little valley. It goes like this:

“We thank you for our food
This food                                                       
And the animals
And the vegetables
And the minerals
That made it possible”

If you start off like that it might make it harder for someone to get into battle mode. If they do, you can always ignore them. Talk to each other about how yummy everything is, and how much you love everyone at the table.

Eventually they should get tired of sounding like mean-spirited joy stealers.

It’s worth a try. And if it doesn’t work, maybe next year you could just have two tables.

Good luck.

Having issues? Feeling issues? Wanting issues to just go away and stop bothering everybody? Why not dump it all on our advice columnist, Strider the Dog? It’s what he’s here for. Just email [email protected].