We all need a friend to see the parts we can’t

By Strider the Dog

Dear Strider,

I really disagree with a lot of the answers you’ve been giving people lately. Especially that one about “current events.” If the person has something they’re interested in talking about at dinner, why can’t they? The other people can just refuse to answer if it gets them annoyed, can’t they? I mean, it’s a free country. Or it’s supposed to be.

Also, the vegan thing. You seemed to be on the side of the reader who disliked people criticizing the vegan lifestyle. Do you have any idea how controlling vegans can be? It’s like a religion. They’re constantly proselytizing. A little pointing out about that can’t hurt anyone, in my opinion.

You need to start being less woo woo about these kinds of things. If you don’t mind me saying so. Or, actually, even if you do.

— Fed Up with Food Control Freaks

Dear Fed Up,

It sounds to me like you’re having a bad day. Generally, I dislike piling on people when they’re having a bad day. They have enough problems.

So I’ll try to be gentle here. Listen: when people ask my advice, I give it as best I can. When they don’t ask my advice, I remember they probably know what they’re doing better than I do, and try my best to keep quiet on the subject.

But you did give me some advice. So maybe it’s okay if I answer with some of my own.

It’s always good to remember that we can’t see everything about ourselves. I mean, to see our behinds takes serious commitment. And study. Usually only people watching our backs can see something stuck to our butt. I personally am grateful when someone notices I’ve got a leaf, or even a piece of dog poop, attached back there, removing it before I embarrass myself.

So here goes: It might sound to someone watching your back that you’re trying to inflict your own point of view, when no one asked for it. I don’t think a vegan would read your letter and think, “Omg, I need to stop being a vegan.” Same with the “current events” issue. It’s not likely someone who doesn’t want to talk about what you do and is stuck with you at the dinner table, is going to think, “Wow. Good point! This person changed my mind! I see the light about the correct way to vote! I should give them an extra helping of this delicious nonvegan chicken and thank them.” They are far more likely to avoid ever having to share a meal with you again.

Do you think it’s possible you’re being as controlling as you accuse others of being? I have noticed, in my year as an advice columnist, that people often accuse others of what they don’t like much in themselves. The angrier they are, the more I think that’s the case. Of course, I could be wrong here.

I hope you don’t mind my saying all this. At any rate, I hope you’re having a better day when this one gets posted in Ashland.news.

Seriously.

Dear Strider,

I recently got engaged (yay, me!). My husband-to-be comes from a very wealthy family, while my own family is kind of more down home, if you get my meaning. Anyway, his family has offered to pay for a huge wedding, all the trimmings. I would personally love that.

My family, though, is already planning a much smaller event. And when I say smaller, I mean, in our backyard. Potluck. My mother’s wedding dress.

I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But I am marrying into a different kind of life, and I’d kind of like to get started on the right foot.

Any advice on how to handle this delicate situation?

— Bride-to-Be

Dear Bride,

I’m going to make this short. When I was at the rescue, Fedwell Farms, with all the other dogs, we were kind of a family. A loud, raucous, often dirty family. But still a family. And when Shadow and I got adopted, we spent one last night at the farm before our new pack swept us off to a new life, where we knew we’d get lots of great food, treats, dog toys and beds.

You know what? The other dogs were glad for us. They got together and gave us a little going away party. They gave both of us extra kibble, and they all pooled their treats to help us celebrate.

Shadow and I loved them and that party. We swore to each other we would never forget them, and Fedwell Farms, where we were so cared for before we started our new life. And I never have forgotten.

I don’t know if this helps. If it doesn’t, maybe try Carolyn Hax? She’s a great advice columnist.

Oh, and congratulations on your engagement.

Want to add to the conversation? Or just blow off steam? Why not email Strider the Dog, our advice columnist at askstrider.ashland.news?