When a loved one needs comfort, what to do?
By Strider the Dog
Dear Strider,
My husband gets very anxious about the news. He worries a lot about things that are maybe going to happen in the future. These things, which haven’t happened yet, really upset him. I don’t like him to be upset, and not only that, I don’t like to be upset myself about something that may or may not occur. I’d rather wait till I can do something about whatever it is and put my energy there. But I don’t think telling him that will have any effect on his feelings.
Any advice for me on how to handle this situation?
— Concerned Wife
Dear Concerned,
As a matter of fact, my own experience here may shed some light on this problem. Our new puppy, Shy, was rehomed with us after being in an abusive household. He was yelled at, and there were threats that he would be thrown out of the house onto the street. Needless to say, this made Shy even more shy than he might have been normally. And while he’s recovered nicely at home with us, certain things trigger him, and he gets so anxious that he actually throws up.
If we go somewhere new, on a road he doesn’t recognize, he starts catastrophizing.
“What if we’re being returned to a shelter? What if it’s just me being sent back? Omg, what if I’m going to be dumped at the side of the road?”
At first, Woody and I told him it wasn’t going to happen, so why not stop worrying? But that didn’t help. He just would throw up in the back seat. Which was a problem for all of us.
So I tried something else. I told Woody we should ignore him when he started going on about his anxiety. But that resulted in — you guessed it — more carsickness.
Woody and I sympathized with him, but we couldn’t figure out what was best to do. So I took it, as I always take the most difficult problems, to the Old Cedar Tree. And this is what he advised:
“You need to remember that poor Shy is suffering. You might think it’s not worth worrying about, or suffering over, but that doesn’t help Shy feel any less anxious and troubled. I know you don’t want him to suffer. So you need to do what you can to make him feel better. Just listening to him and his worries would help. A sympathetic ‘I hear you, Bro’ would take some of the sting out of it. If you can feel like that, truly, and he knows you honestly are hearing him, and are worried about him and his feelings, I predict that will help him more than anything else you can do.”
Woody and I tried that. And you know what? No more carsickness! It worked!
Maybe your husband’s anxiety doesn’t lead to carsickness. But I’m guessing the same principle works here.
Let me know how you get on, okay?
And good luck.
Hi Strider,
Who deserves a treat? The answer to that question is you! I read your columns all the time, and boy do you have a ruff time answering some questions. Some of them are pretty tough. But you sure know how to roll with them and always seem to find the best in people. You’ve already answered a question of mine, and I greatly appreciate it. You don’t have to publish this. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you. I always read you when you’re in the Ashland.news. Anyway, keep up the good work. You’re a good boy! And you deserve a good treat. I hope your human gives you one.
Head skriches!
— Raymond S.
Hi Raymond!
Why wouldn’t I want to tell the world about your compliments! Especially the reminder that I deserve treats. Aw, shucks, maybe I don’t deserve them, but your email prompted an extra big piece of duck jerky — my favorite! from Bi-Mart! I can’t thank you enough for that. And for the support, of course. Support leading to duck jerky is the finest kind of support a dog advice columnist can receive.
Seriously.
Got a question or a pat on the head for our advice columnist? He’s always happy to hear from you, no matter what. Just email [email protected].
