The one rule about dinner is you gotta be polite

By Strider the Dog

Dear Strider,

The other night I was at a dinner party. I didn’t know some of the people, but I did know they probably had interesting things to say about the current events of the day. So I was really looking forward to it.

When I got there, my friend who was giving the party took me aside and asked me not to talk about current events at the table. I was so taken aback that I agreed without thinking.

But the more I thought about it, the more it made me feel like I was being censored. Like I wasn’t allowed to say what I really felt. I thought this was not just unfriendly of my friend, but sort of controlling, too.

I really want to say something to her. But what? What do you advise, Strider?

— Canceled at Dinner

Dear Canceled,

Is this a trick question?

Maybe I’m missing something. So I’ll recap. Your friend invites you to dinner. She invites you to meet some of her other friends. She asks you to not bring up “current events.” You have dinner. You meet her friends. Now you’re mad you weren’t able to express your true feelings at your friend’s dinner party.  

Is that right?

You said “current events” twice, so I’m kind of sniffing ’round and figuring there’s a hot button subject there. Did she mean: “Don’t talk about the upcoming high school basketball game”?  Did she mean: “Don’t talk about what happened today at the dog park”? Did she mean: “Don’t talk about the new Grocery Outlet going up in the old movie theater”?

I’m going out on a limb here that this kind of thing was not what she meant. I’m going to take a wild guess she actually meant the kind of conversation that gets people riled up, so they wouldn’t enjoy the food she’d prepared, and the company she’d invited.

Am I wrong?

If I’m not wrong, I can speak from my own experience. We dogs like to enjoy our meals. We don’t enjoy it if our loved ones are fighting, raising their voices above us, or, even worse, talking to each other in that chilly tone they get when they are really mad.

It messes with our digestion. It messes with our enjoyment of our meal. Worse, it messes with our health.

Is it possible your friend asked you to refrain from a subject likely to be met with raised blood pressure and unhappy commentary? The way I courteously asked our puppy Shy to please not describe the operation he’d undergone that morning at the FOTAS clinic, the one that resulted in his wearing the cone of shame?

I mean, who wants to hear about that when you’re concentrating on your last delicious bit of beef kidney? Amirite?

If this is a real question, and not just a set up so I’ll answer with what seems to me just common sense, for dogs and for humans — then my considered advice is call your friend and thank her for a lovely dinner. Maybe send her flowers.

That way, I guarantee, you’ll get invited back. If you go the “expressing my true feelings” route, I’m pretty sure the result will be a slight curtailment of your social life.

Just saying.

Dear Strider,

I know you don’t like pineapple on your pizza. That started me wondering about your favorite foods. Mind sharing?

— Culinarily Curious

Dear Curious,

I’m assuming you’re asking if I mind sharing the subject of my favorite foods, and not sharing the foods themselves, since I really don’t like any other dog getting into my bowl. Picky that way. A dog for every bowl, and a bowl for every dog, that’s my motto. Especially when the dog bowl is my own. I’m polite about it, but firm.

That said, I love beef kidneys (see above). I love beef liver. I love beef in all its forms! Especially when it’s cooked with oatmeal and vegetables.

Super especially if it’s cooked with a soupçon of bacon. Just for the je ne sais quoi of it.

Oh, speaking of which, I like French fries, too.

Thanks for asking.

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