Whether on chemtrails or feline podcasts, he does his best to help

By Strider the Dog

Dear Strider,

I’ve just moved to Ashland. To get to know the place, I’ve signed up with Ashland.news, which I think is great, and also on the Ashland Community Facebook page and Nextdoor. One thing I’m confused about is chemtrails. People keep mentioning chemtrails on Ashland social media. I’d never heard of them before I moved here.

Do you know anything about them?

Thanks for any information.

— Confused by Chemtrails

Dear Confused,

Sometimes I overhear conversations about these things at the dog park. I’m not clear what they are, exactly, though I know they’re in the sky. People point up when they talk. They also get agitated, so I think chemtrails are associated with fear, as far as I can smell it anyway. I can’t figure out if these things are imaginary or real. I know both real and imaginary things cause that smell, so that’s no help.

Maybe this is off the subject, but it does seem to me (a dog) that imaginary fears are way too often used to get people and animals under control. I’m against this. While I approve of being rationally under control ­— happier that way, truthfully — I’m really not into being made afraid for somebody else’s benefit. There are enough real things to be afraid of without that kind of manipulation. And if any fear makes you ignore the things that matter, I’m really against it. I do know fear and arguing makes people ignore us dogs. And if it’s especially nice weather, and we dogs are frolicking like mad, this is a real shame.

Meanwhile, I think, as far as I can tell, chemtrails are supposed to be some sign that the government is trying to poison us. Since I can’t figure out why the government would want to do that, I’m scratching my head. I did ask Tod, but she just laughed and shook her head. I don’t know what that was about.

But I’ve got my nose to the ground about it, and if I sniff anything out, I’ll let you know.

Here to help!

Dear Strider,

I’m a cat owner who occasionally strays into reading you a little online. I must say, your advice seems rather sound. I read this column to Imelda and, while she felt that you were canonizing trees and squirrels while berating cats, even she had to admit that you have a pretty good take on human behavior. 

Imelda (Mel, to me), my cat, is looking to start a podcast and wants to talk to you about it. Do you have any good advice for her? Audience engagement hints? Background looks?

— KG

Dear KG,

Gosh, I’m sorry it sounded like I was berating cats. As a herding dog, with not much prey instinct, I love them. Two of my best friends are cats (hi, Sumi, hi, Kanji!). I just think we’re all different, and I try to allow for that. Vive la difference, as my friend Abby the Poodle says.

I’m very flattered Imelda wants an opinion from me, a dog advice columnist. I really think the best I can do is repeat what the Old Cedar Tree advised when I started out. I had no idea how best to run an advice column, so I asked them. This is what they said:

1. Be kind
2. Remember everyone is different
3. Be kind
4. Short is generally better than long
5. Be kind

I can’t do better than that. Whether or not these rules work for cats, I’m not sure. Maybe Imelda could let me know after she gets going. I’d be really interested to hear. She can hardly go wrong, with you, KG, an enlightened cat guardian, cheering her on.

Good luck, Mel! And don’t forget to send me the link.

Got a problem? Want a sympathetic good ear? Or maybe you just want to praise or sound off about something in our beautiful home town? Email [email protected].