Something bombastic
By Barry Vitcov
Poets are inspired by whatever catches their attention: a rose, a sunrise or sunset, a couple strolling along hand-in-hand, water cascading over river rocks, childhood trauma, adulthood trauma, children sharing a slide at a public park, a symphonic masterpiece or even by bombastic politics. Ashland poet Jack Seybold’s poem “Fromp” is a reaction to, well, you know, bombast.
FOMP
By Jack Seybold
Fomp, right?
It’s a word that just came out of my mouth.
I was sitting in my terrific oval office chair
and a microphone appeared in front of my face,
and I just said, “Fomp.”
It leaped out of my mouth like something
nobody’s ever heard before.
A lot of people are saying it’s a historic word,
like “Lamestream media” and “Little Marco”
like all the incredible things I’ve said.
It’s like, “Fomp,” what a word. F.O.M.P.
It stands for, uh, Federal Office of Major Pullshit, yeah.
That’s a new U.S. government outfit I’m gonna start
to get to the bottom of Sleepy Joe Biden’s dumpster fire.
Some lyin’ reporter from the New York Slime claims
Elon said it first on X and I’m just parroting him.
But that’s fake news disinformation
like they’re always hounding me with.
No, “Fomp” – it just blurted out of my mouth
like something beautiful. It really is.
Mike Johnson got it right away, and J.D. said,
“It’s just brilliant, Sir.” He calls me “Sir.”
And they’re both doing a fantastic job.
Pete Hegseth, a combat veteran of our great military,
the greatest and most lethal fighting force in the world,
came up to me with tears in his eyes.
All he could say was, “Thank you,” like in a whisper.
And all the Republican senators, my beautiful majority,
they’re all behind it.
Tucker Carlson, he’s back in his gig at Fox
and he’s saying it too, like, “Fomp, Fomp this
and Fomp that.” Bibi plans to include it
in his Gaza plans. It could be the name
of the new settlement for Palestinians
that Ukraine will provide – if they want any support
in their negotiations with Vladimir – Fomp.
Y’know, that war would have never started if I’d been in office.
But getting back to my weave here:
Fomp is not some weak liberal concept.
It’s… it’s grass rootsy, it’s middle America.
I’m thinking I’ll sign a new executive order
making Fomp the new name for California,
or maybe the Atlantic Ocean – Atlantic,
what a tired old name – what is it, Greek?
Yeah, and Fomp would be a fantastic name for a great political party –
Y’know, GOP is getting a little tarnished
with the likes of lyin’ Liz Cheney and Mitt What’s-his-name,
so, uh, maybe I’ll just run on the FOMP ticket in ’28 and ’32.
Nothing’s gonna stop me, not even some impeachable judge.
I’ll be the first person in history to win the election five times.
By then America will be great again,
so FOMP and me – we’ll take our great country to a future
like nobody’s ever seen before. Buy Tesla.
Jack Seybold (with Tom Pollock) published a novel: “The Rising: Journeys in the Wake of Global Warming,” and has appeared in 30 theater productions after retiring to Ashland, Oregon, following a 36-year teaching career. His poems have appeared in Spring Harvest (Cal Poly Pomona), The Journal of Humanistic Psychology, and Peace Corps Writers. He served in Brazil in the Peace Corps, and holds a master’s degree in English linguistics. His book of poetry, “Sing Where the Love Is,” is available at Bloomsbury Books.
Poetry Submissions Welcomed!
You are invited to submit original work to the Poetry Corner. There is only one restriction: Poems ought to show a connection to Ashland and/or Southern Oregon. Your interpretation of that connection is fairly loose and mine is probably even looser! Be sure to include the title of your poem, your name as you would like it to appear, the city or town in which you reside, and, if you wish, your preferred pronouns. Finally, please submit a bio statement of less than 150 words written in the third-person.
To submit poems, send to Barry Vitcov at [email protected].
